I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize