no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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