I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
