I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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