even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
