if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
