did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
