He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
