dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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