i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
