they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize