I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
