WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
