Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
