R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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