My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
