you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
