i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
