Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize