Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
