who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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