Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
cat food counts as protein by the way
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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