a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
420 ftw
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
