i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
