capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
