the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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