You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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