Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
