I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
