A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
