adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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