Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
