i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
