The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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