and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
