That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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