your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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