ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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