I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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