Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
