So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
