I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Randomize
