No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
