I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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