3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
