Pappa wants mamma naked
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
