Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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