with your own penis?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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