bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
