toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
