I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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