whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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