So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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