Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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