I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
