the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We were destined to go to rehab together
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
