My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
