I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
