i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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