When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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