my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
