dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
