I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
