Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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