walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
