he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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