well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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