Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
