My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
