White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
